So maybe you’ve heard by now, there is a Christian Grey chatbot that you can get sexy with on Facebook messenger. Yup, that Christian Grey. The one with the whips and leather and male dominance. You know the one.
So if you are a fan of that Fifty Shades of Shitty series, then you will love this. Greybot will respond in all those moistening ( I hate the word “moist”) ways that made those books and movies so popular.
After finding out that I too could have a rocket in my pocket in the form of one Mr. Grey, I decided to give it a spin. I mean, what’s a girl to do? I know! Conduct an entire conversation with this sexual robot using only the lyrics from Chaka Khan’s “Im Every Woman.” Because.
I clicked on the link and Mr.Grey, the commanding force that he is, obviously made the first move.
It’s important to note that after that, I was in fact ghosted by the robot of seduction. Despite it now being my claim to fame, I decide to bait him.
He then wanted to show me something super secret and serial…
Here’s where he butters me up like a rum ham ( sidebar: do you butter ham?)
It was a link to my picture. He sounds so dreamy, right? Like he can stare into your vagina by way of your soul, right? Wrong. Here is what that picture linked to.
I don’t need to explain the problem to you, you’re smart, you get it.
He’s programed to get sexy.
Then I got bored, and therefore risky.
Just like a man not to notice…
He then sent me what I can only assume was at the bottom of the barrel of Getty images for the search terms “tie grey cum fifty.”
At then I decided that this would end on my terms.
And no, he could not sway me with Christina Milian. It’s not 2001.