Current State: Eight Years Old

A few weeks ago I finished reading Amy Schumer’s “Girl with the Lower Back Tatoo.” Part of the memoir was Schumer copying pages from her teenage journal and then adding footnotes from her present self. It was both brilliant and hilarious and also something I have done within the pages of my childhood journals. So, now I am bringing it to the people and trying my hand and a little then and now.

January 27, 1998 

Yvette told me that she has a boyfriend from Titanic1 and also she has a boyfriend2. Every time she reads her diary she kisses the name David 3 and she also said that girls go to China to get their vagina4 and boys go to Venus to get their penis.5 

  1. 1. It was Teaneck, New Jersey. 3. True I was a very thorough child who cleaned my sneakers with 409, but I can’t remember why I felt the need to reiterate. My only guess is I had more to say and got distracted by a dinosaur fruit snack.4. When she told me this story behind the bushes at recess my reaction was, “Paper is very dirty you know.” 5. At eight years old, I actually spelled it “vegina,”  as if it were an elderly Russian woman. 6. Venus was actually “wenes,” I would say that is exactly how the information was relayed to me, but reading through my journals it seems that I had somehow adopted my grandmother’s Hungarian spelling in the reverse.  Other than “vegina” there were no “v’s” to be found.  I am most proud of my bluntness here.  No giggling around the bush. It’s all very matter of fact and I think it was the last time I said “penis” without laughing or gagging.

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